anusrini

We met when we were less than ten years old. Then we missed each other on many occasions. After sixteen years, we were brought together. A couple of days we spent together and realized the ‘chemistry’ that worked between us!

Then things proceeded  in jet speed, parents discussed, approved , exchanged letters, and decided. Our betrothal was over. Just a few more moths and we were man and wife.

The journey started there, being for each other.

A TRUE MAN DOESN’T PROMISE, HE COMMITS AND A TRUE LADY DOESN’T DEMAND, SHE THANKS…..

Living, following the above success formula, the many years of togetherness is beautiful. Life was not easy.  Adjustments, compromises, were part of this journey. End of the day, i had this unflinching faith in him that he is there to take care of everything in my life. Can even say, i surrendered myself… and with absolute no regret till this day. The emotional support that i have recieved on so many instances, is tremendous. Listening to me when i am upset gave me the confidence to confide anything and everything to him. Comforting me at the most disturbed moments of life, standing by my side, patting me for being brave, looking up to me for his emotional dependence, makes me feel on cloud nine…

Its the not the gifts that your spouse showers on you, nor the holiday  destinations that he takes you, its the emotional proximity of each other, that matters. Its two way, the more you give, the more u get. The compromises, and sacrifices, that are made at the initial years of married life, paves way for years of understanding. There is no place for Ego in this relationship.

Looking forward for years and years  of togetherness ……………..

She is  Kasturi Aayah…. my acquaintance for the past so many years but someone who became a part of me from 2004. She used to work as a helper in the next door montessori school in my hometown. I have seen her taking wailing toddlers from their parents into the school, doing all the chores inside the school, sometimes feeding the children who are not very keen about having it themselves. Eventually when the school was shut down, aayah had to stay at home. In 2004  i was looking for a maid, a nanny [as i was sure that in the near future, my  mother would require all the attention a baby requires]. She approached me through some other contacts and assured me that she will help my mother. She had taken moral responsibility of bringing up her granddaughters. She was in need of money and i was in need of manpower. Above all it was good fortune of both of us that we met and entered into a mutual agreement !

Initially she used to come and take care of my mother and leave for her house. Gradually situation changed and she used to stay throughout the day and go to her house just to cook food. Later on i suggested that she shifts to my place so that she does not leave my mother and go.

She was a good company for my mom, who enjoyed chatting with her. When she forced my mom for something they had their bit of arguments. She used to sit next to my mom to feed her, and coax her to finish the food. Coffee was always at the right temperature for my mom to drink. Medicines were administered time to time.When mom’s health deteriorated, she did all that, that a nurse in a hospital would do.Even when she bought  fruits or sweets for her grandchildren, she never missed giving a small bite to my mother. I have never seen her having food before feeding my mother be it in the afternoon or at night.  Mom was kept spic and span always.  She became full time caretaker of my mom.

On my visits to chennai, i was pampered too. When i brushed and came  out of the bathroom, she used to handover a cup of steaming hot coffee to me. Right at breakfast time  she used to religiously ask me everyday what i would like to eat and subsequently what was my plan for lunch. My clothes were washed, dried, pressed and kept regularly. She used to pack some sambhar powder for me when it was time for me to leave to bombay – a gesture a mother does to her daughter staying outstation.

She was taking care of petty [yet important] errands too like paying the rent of the house, electricity bill, paying the medical store etc…. I didnt have to bother about those things. All festive occasions, she lit a diya in our puja room and kept the tradition going.

Just before my mom breathed  her last, kasturi aaya was fortunate enough to feed her sips of water.

Now she has gone back to her house. Her eyes well up when she talks about my mother….But she is there when i am there once again taking care of all my requirements.

Its not just a simple relationship, its something different and no words can describe the mental comfort her presence has given me. Seven long years…… since she came to our house to work and she still is one person to whom i owe a lot.

Just one more day to go…..to start fresh with the next 365 days.

With lots and lots of dreams in my eyes, energy bubbling in me, i am looking forward for the next year. I am sincerely praying to the almighty to bless each and every soul on this earth with abundant posperity.

Looking back at the year gone, I  smile to myself and say “Not bad”….

It had its own high and low times. It was the year in  which i started putting my thoughts in this blog. One after the other, when i started writing i discovered a new self.. It gave me lots of confidence to go ahead in this area. I acquired quite a lot of friends,renewed friendships of twenty five years and more,  and learnt many new things and learnt many new perspections of life. Thanks to all my contacts for contributing to my knowledge upgradation.

It was also the year of a major bereavement. Amma left me…… But there too, it was a wonderful end where i could be with her in her last moment.  Now its only the memories and her advice which will keep me going for the rest of my life.

There were nice moments, emotional moments, hilarious moments, sad ones…..But i am happy that i could handle all these with the same practicality.

Looking forward for an  year which will keep me going the same way. An year which will keep all of us healthy, and prosperous. Let’s live each day to its fullest. Lets pray for the well being of everyone. Let’s respect the Almighty in each others soul. Let peace prevail everywhere. Let’s be the BEST companion to our friends, spouse and all those who need us. Let’s look forward for another year end, where we can review and feel contented.

Wishing you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR……

The other day i happened to visit a friend’s place for ‘haldi kumkum ‘ during navratri. Right from the main door, the house was all decked up with decorative materials and beautiful rangoli. All illuminated was the hall and she came and ushered me into her puja room. It was  beautifully lit and decorated. The gauri idol, was adorned with lots and lots of flowers, and SHE was decked from neck to bottom with chains, long and short, necklaces of different designs. In a huge table the idol was set, and there were other dieties too who shared the dias.

I was offered a seat, but before taking the seat, i finished my prayers by applying, haldi and kumkum to the idol of gauri, closed my eyes and prayed for the welfare of the world and also to keep my friend and her family happy and prosperous.

When i took a seat, my friend’s aunty came with a plate filled with vada pav and chutney. I politely refused to consume it and said i wanted to leave early. But they were not ready to let me go without eating anything. so i was served a bowl of ‘rasmalai’  (garnished with guilt by me  as i was dieitng )which i gulped down!

My friend came with a huge plate   with four or five different types of fruits in it, a blouse piece, a coconut, some rice with a supari in a packet, haldi, kumkum, flowers… (hope i havent missed anything). She applied haldi kumkum for me and i recieved the plate from her. The conversation drifted to maid servants and cooks.  But my friend who depends on her for the full preaparations of khana, was ‘ disabled’ i  should say without  her. She also conveyed that she had one more maid for the rest of the household chores and she too was on leave for the last four days. Narrating elaborately how she had to do everything from early morning on that particular day, how she had fed seven ‘suvasinis’ and seven ‘brahmans’ and how well the durga pooja was done, she concluded it by saying,

“Sukh naam khi chees hai nai meri zindagi mein’… which means there is no happiness in my life…..

I was taken back.. but since i was getting delayed, i bade farewell to her and came down to my place and all through was contemplating, what is the yardstick of ‘sukh’…..Is it just the maids attendance, or your driver saluting you when you enter the car, or the security wishing you good morning, or people praising what an expensive momento you have given  with the haldi kumkum (BTW, the plate did bear the price sticker Rs.329/- like the last year’s gift which bore 425/-). Doing a durgashtami pooja, feeding the brahmans, suvasinis, were not taken into the ‘sukh’ account…Unfortuantely, the whole celebration has become a show off of your capabilities to spend. The importance of haldi and kumkum has taken a back seat, the chance to get together with people, feel good about the occasion, do puja and prayers to the devis all has been superceded by the ‘gift’

At the same time, i was reminded about another friend, who had bought tiffin boxes and water bottles, as gifts for guests  on the occasion of  her daughter’s wedding and had slid a slip inside the packet saying, PLEASE DONATE THIS TO ANY NEEDY PERSON WHOM YOU KNOW…..

That’s ‘SUKH’ isn’t it???

On one of my bus travels recently i was lost in the charm of the  melodious songs that i had compiled in my i-pod. With dreamy eyes, i looked out of the window and as the traffic was heavy the bus was moving very slowly.. There were  cars lined up along our bus. As they were moving one behind the other, i realized one thing my eyes were trying to observe. The dashboards of the cars were interesting. I became curious to see the next car, the next car.I sat up straight and started taking a keen look. One had  a small ganpati, one had a medium sized idol of ganpati. Some had Lakshmi, some had Saibaba. Some had Krishna, and the traditional keralite decoration piece hanging from the rear view mirror. (Wow… i was smart enough to guess that the owner was a south indian ! )Some had a small piece of cloth on the idol, (to protect God from the scorching sun).Some had put a big cloth, making it difficult for me to identify ! Some had shifted their pooja room in the dash board making elaborate decorations like flickering lights and big garlands. Some had stuck a vaccum peg on the front glass and hung a small umbrella for the idol. Some had stickers on the front glass too. One car had an idol of Mahaveera.. something different.

One had two bears hugging each other. There was one with a soft toy of  a dog lying face down.. The kid in the car must have left it like that the previous day. Rarely could i see a car without any idol in the dash board. Probably the ones without were confident to carry on without divine intervention! But at the same time, i could also read how people related to the almighty by having  some form of car-friendly-sized idol.

By the time it was time for me to get down, i was reminded of the idol in my car which has been with us for the past seven years and how we are so sentimental that we take it away from our car before we give away the keys of the old one so that we can plant it in our new car….!

Rs.140 salary

40 rupees to parents who stayed in a small town in southern tamil nadu

28 rupees towards lunch and dinner ( Saturday nights were tiffin item for those who fasted ..( a usual practice with s.indians and sunday lunch was with a sweet) !

15 rupees towards room rent ( shared by 3 people)

7 rupees towards coffee for the whole month ( i can hear many of us saying “that’s tooo much”!)

in the remaining 50 rupees, a hair cut, dhobi, and railway pass had to be taken care of. Till the 10th of the month, life was lavish with a morning coffee, something to eat during office lunch hours, and an evening tea. Post 10th, the coffee, lunch time khana and evening tea were given up. only food in the morning at the hostel and straight night dinner.Girls asked him what he would do if he was very hungry….He just smiled and said ‘Nothing,  I will just drink a glass of water and keep quiet”. As a doting grandpa, father in law and dad (please make a note of the order of  affection…i am sorry srini …)!!!!he just cant see someone fasting or not having a wholesome meal. And yes we understand u appa !!!

The train ticket to chennai from mumbai was 18 rupees.( Now its 16 rupees for a matunga return says my elder one..) they were awestruck when appa was describing one of his train journeys to native place. There were only two trains from mumbai, one a mail which took 32 hours and another one was an express train.

Once he had taken the mail which ran late and so he subsequently missed the connecting train to his hometown.(No tele-check in available ! ) Since it was late night, the station wore a deserted look  and he had to ‘check in‘ in the platform with few more of them who too had missed. How we crib these days when our flight is delayed even by ten minutes..nodding of heads, shoulders shrugging ..a common gesture at the airport..He approached a nearby kiosk for a glass of milk and was fortunate to see the shutters come down in front of him.(No CCD,No Pizza Huts….and no take aways)  Tired and  hungry, his suitcase becomes his pillow for that night. Anticipating that he can have food in the nearby junction when he catches the train next morning, he finds there was an acute shortage of food as there were many trains which ran late the previous day. Finally he reaches home and the last straw was his mother pouring water over cooked rice after waiting for him for the whole day. He had the water removed and butter milk added to it…

Today, he can get an e-ticket, tele check-in and push his seat back in the aircraft and have a relaxed journey, but health does not co-operate with him to undertake long journeys…..

Thats the irony of life…….

I was anxiously waiting at the bus stand to catch a bus which goes to my college… Just for few days and I identified a friendly face, travelling with me in the same bus, getting down at the same stop and getting into my own class… We became friends and we are still. Its 25 years old.  We are a thousand plus miles away from each other but can still connect.

Today when i was waiting at the college of my younger daughter, i saw girls and boys bubbling with energy, girls were all  dressed all most in jeans and tops, leaving their hair open, laughing out loud and pulling each others legs, all interesting and naughty t.-shirt quotes, different types of jeans, girls in three fourth pants…and leggings and kurtis carrying themselves comfortably and the boys, poor ones, not much of a variety to wear…… what a care free stage of life… Of course i dont miss telling my daughters, that we did not have even the tension of carrying a cell phone with us…. we just needed to call home from a public phone to tell that we would be late or we were going to a friend’s place. Life was much simpler.. But its nice to see todays children handling high end gizmos very casually and being tech savvy…[ flabbergasted when my daughter sent a message through whats app that college is 'coool' and 'fun' ]  their confidence beams in their face. Their energy is infectious.. I felt so happy just by seeing them. Being in their company would have made me all the more young.

I also realized that i have been a good friend of my daughter more than being a mom… It reminded me of a line i read in a book….”controlling mothers are insecure mothers” Its a rope walk… At every stage we need to handle it carefully so that the child develops that confidence in us to open and share all that is there in his/her life.

Life is fun for them for them.. As a mother, i was praying and blessing them that they should live happily and achieve all their dreams…

They say

GOD CANNOT BE EVERYWHERE THAT’S WHY HE MADE MOTHERS………..

The absence of mother creates a void. However diabled she is, whether she is conscious or not, she gives her child a comfort of being there. Howmuch ever the child prays to Lord to take away her mother, as the child cannot see her suffer, the emptiness creeps in when she is not there.

Time will heal the wound, Time will take care, etc., are all true and right. But till that starts working, the child [how ever old he or she is] misses the mother badly. The child carries out her daily duties, compells herself in her routine, smiles, laughs, eats, sleeps, all mechanically. The thought that mother is no more keeps flashing in her mind. Life still moves on.

The value of something or someone is completely understood when it is not with us. Mothers are termed as nagging, irritating, inquisitive, and many more. When she is not there, there is no body to do all this to us. But we would have grown up as good human beings by the time. If she had not ‘ nagged’  ‘irritated’  and ‘intruded’ in our activities, God  knows what we would have been.

She burns herself like a candle to take care of us right from the time that are created in her womb..

She deserves to be taken care of, loved, admired, accomodated and adored.

I pity those who abuse their mothers and send them to Old age homes. God bless them too for their folly…

Time is running out…. HUG your mother every time you see her.. be it even if its daily or hourly…..

We sat for lunch today…me, amma and appa  The person from the refrigeration company  comes for the AMC of the fridge, I leave the table and guide him to the kitchen after collectively wondering how there was no call from the company taking a prior appointment….. after a brief time with the technician i turned around for something and saw amma (who had left the table and her food half way… )at the entrance of the kitchen.

I understood her concern of my being alone with this  sudden visitor.. This is not intrusion… If people just think for  a second before framing opinions, we can avoid all misunderstandings. Elders in the house have their own way of supervising us. Its not ‘barging into our privacy’. Its the concern, care that they have for us. Our children learn from us how to be amicable with elders at home. Our behaviour will assure us how we will be treated during the sunset period of our life.. Won’t we take it in the right sense, if the same is done by our mom and dad…..

Yes, I was having lunch with my in-laws!!!!!